How To Be Fucking Awesome Page 10

  Then came the day she had a position that she couldn’t fill – and she stated to me that although this job had been on the books, no one had come close to filling it. This was my one and only shot.

  I sent over one candidate.

  A perfect fit.

  They got the job.

  As a result I became the only recruiter to serve this company, which made me alone around ten grand in commission, and multiple times that for my employer.

  So, I hope you can see that being pleasantly relentless is very much a good thing.

  And if you piss someone off? Just give them some space, spend a few quid on a gift of some description (don’t be cheap), apologise for your actions – but explain why you did it (so make sure you had a good reason for chasing them in the first place) and leave it with them.

  For me, anyway, they have come back every time. Works a charm.

  Be varied. One thing you need to consider when you are being relentless in trying to pitch your idea, connect with someone or close some business is that everyone responds in different ways. I respond very well to one method of communication (and I’m not going to tell you, because if you want to get in touch – I want you to discover it for yourself).

  Simply put, make a list of every possible communication method you can for the person or business you are looking to reach. From email to postal address to mobile number to social media to comments on their content to events to publications – make a big fat list. Then each week, try one.

  Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

  I’ve taught this to numerous people after my mentor taught it to me, but most people are simply too lazy to do it. All you need is a spreadsheet or notepad to keep track of everything, and each week commit to trying to reach them by a different medium. And when they respond? That’s the medium they prefer.

  So go do your thing.

  Don’t be attached to the outcome. This one has been a game-changer (sigh) for me. Doesn’t need too much in the way of explanation, but it is really hard to do. Once you have mastered it, though, it can change your life.

  Simply put, you want to be as emotionally unattached to the outcome of whatever it is you are doing as possible. Let me give you some examples.

  Pitched an idea? Whether people like it or not – it doesn’t matter.

  Or to put it in a more intimate way, asked someone out? Whether they say yes or no – it doesn’t matter.

  If you can remove the emotion from the outcome, you will not only find yourself far less stressed but happier too. Getting too attached to a yes or no can drive you insane. When you let it go everything simply gets better.

  That, and because humans are pretty fucked up, the less interest you show in the outcome emotionally, the more often things go your way.

  Don’t over-celebrate the wins. Don’t commiserate the losses. They are just things. In the grand scheme of things, with your limited time here on the earth, they really don’t matter.

  You ain’t dead.

  You’re still breathing.

  Don’t sweat it.

  Move on.

  Oh, and if in doubt, work harder. It’s not forever…

  Ha!

  Be relentless to do/action steps

  Ask yourself right now what you really want. This sounds all woo-woo, but trust me – you need to have a vision of what you actually want. What is it going to look like, and just as important, are you willing to invest the time and energy to make it happen? By the way, it’s totally OK if you don’t, but you need to get clear on this!

  Make sure you’re showing up every single day. I say this all too often, but it’s the truth. Show up. Every. Day. Make a commitment to your audience and the clients you serve – and by the way, it doesn’t matter if you feel like it or not. Make sure you show up. The one thing that will differentiate you from the others is whether or not you give up.

  Don’t follow the herd of sheep. Be varied. Right now, make a list of every possible communication method you can think of for the person you are trying to reach. Don’t be the person who only communicates on Facebook or via email. Don’t be lazy. Grab yourself a notepad or spreadsheet to keep track of everything. Each week commit to trying to reach people you want to connect with using a different medium and note their response.

  Stop attaching yourself to the outcome. Want to feel far less stressed? Get out of your own way and detach yourself from the outcome. You’ll be happier too. Let go and everything will simply get better. Humans are pretty fucked up; the less interest you show in the outcome emotionally, the more often things go your way. Weird, right?

  11

  BE NICE

  Be nice to people on your way up because you might meet ’em on your way down.

  ALEXANDRE DUMAS PERE

  Look at that quote closely, because it harbours the essence of this chapter in one sentence. Don’t be a douche on your way up the success ladder, because douches rarely stay at the top. And when (if!) you come down, you’ll have all those upset people to deal with.

  Often people forget the efforts of individuals who actually helped them get to where they are. They become egotistical and start to believe that they are a one-man band, which rarely is the case – and this is why I have a whole bloody chapter basically dedicated to thanking those who have been there for me.

  This chapter is all about not being a dick. And helping others along the way, as well as acknowledging the people who have helped you get where you are. Don’t skip it, as it may just save your butt!

  This chapter could easily be a one-pager.

  In fact, it could be summed up in one line: ‘Don’t be a dick!’

  Or you could phrase it as: ‘You don’t have to be a dick to succeed’.

  Really. You don’t.

  Now, at points I may have come across as a bombastic, possibly arrogant, definitely vulgar crass arsehole. It’s one of the tools I have at my disposal. I was like this at points because I myself have read all the books, watched all the trainings, been to all the events… and done nothing.

  My goal was to get you either inspired enough or pissed off enough to take action. That’s all I want for you.

  So take the concepts, the ideas, the strategies and the tactics and just fucking do it. Whatever it may be – the thing that’s been in your head for years that you have wanted to get out; the person you have put off speaking to; the risk you have never quite got round to taking – simply go for it.

  Look, I am actually a nice guy. No, really! Although I seem to have this online persona, coupled with the fact that, in my current social media profiles, I am holding a chainsaw and laughing maniacally, I truly, genuinely care about people and want to help them as I have been helped.

  Does that make me soft or a pussy? Well, that’s your call to make. And, like any thought or feeling you have, it is completely your right to think whatever you want.

  All I know is that I have, and have had for a long time, a burning desire to make sure my sister is cared for, repay my family for the sacrifices they made and provide a comfortable living for myself, my partner (pending) and mini Dans and Danettes (definitely pending). That, and I truly want to serve my audience to the best of my abilities. I want each and every interaction I have with my tribe to be positive, make an impact, inspire them or simply make them smile.

  Does that sound like the motives of an arsehole?

  No, it doesn’t.

  I’m fully aware that I’m probably limiting myself from billionaire status as, quite frankly, I don’t have the personality or the energy to be a ruthless fuck. Not saying that billionaires (or multi-millionaires for that matter) are ruthless fucks, but from what I’ve read and observed so far, you do have to have a tough side.

  For all my meatiness, lifting massive weights, boxing and glorious beard growth, I’m still the same Dan inside who cried as a kid at Charlotte’s Web, used to save wild animals that had been hurt, put a cold flannel on my sister’s head and sat with her when she had a fit.


  I just don’t have it in me to be a c*nt! Yep, saved the C-bomb for last, because it’s true. I don’t have that side, and I don’t ever want to have that side. Sure, this might never yield me golden space yachts – but then again – it might. Safe to say I’m doing OK, right?

  If you (like I am) are committed to leaving this planet better off than when you got here, who knows what you can achieve? The only limitation, really, is you.

  This chapter is based on advice that I have picked up, and things I have fucked up, along the way.

  Don’t let others influence how you feel. This one is a biggie, and one of the hardest things to do. So it does take a lot of practice.

  We have all had days when a shitty email, an irate phone call or something on social media makes our blood simply boil. As a result, it ends up ruining our day, and that negative interaction makes our interactions with other people shittier.

  That’s why I purposely don’t check my email or social media inboxes until after I have put myself in a good mood.

  You may have heard this before (as I have invested in some excellent mindset coaches), but there is a key tenet. That tenet is that thoughts are just that. You allow them to become feelings by the meaning you give to them. You allow them to become actions by how you react to those feelings. People who put negativity out have merely influenced you to do the one thing they probably wanted you to do in the first place – namely be pissed off.

  By doing this, you are allowing people control over you. You don’t want to do this, by the way. Remember earlier I said that you need to become detached from the outcome? This is one of the places you really need to do this.

  At the end of the day, these annoyances are just words on a screen, voices in your ear or a bunch of pixels. Despite seeming real, they’re not real. They aren’t kicking down your door and smacking you around the face, are they? If you react how others want you to react, not only have they won, but you will likely do some dumb shit that you will no doubt regret.

  And this leads neatly on to my next point, and what to do about it.

  Be mindful of what others may be going through. So you got a shitty message asking for money. Someone complained and wasn’t happy with the quality of your work. Perhaps you got told never to speak to someone again after you called them.

  I know, I’ve been there. This happens. Not often, but it does happen. And when it does, especially if you are totally taken off guard, it can make you feel like a pile of shit.

  But I want you to consider before you act what the other person could have been going through.

  They could have just had a health scare, lost a loved one, have a sick child or any manner of things that life throws at us, and they are acting out of character, lashing out, as many of us do from time to time.

  They could have had an argument with a spouse, business partner or colleague that has put them in a foul mood, and you were the next one up and got both barrels of their abuse.

  Maybe they have been let down with a payment from a client at their end, and as a result they are trying to claw back cash even though you have done a great job. I’ve heard this one before: someone invested in your coaching, training, or educational material, didn’t do the work, didn’t make any difference to their life, and then realised they had no cash. They are now beating on your door trying to lay the blame on you so as to get a refund, even though it’s their fault they failed.

  These situations are many and varied, and it would take me quite some time to detail them all. However, when I’m faced with something like this, I have a solution that, for me anyway, works every time.

  First, I write the most aggressive, venom-fuelled, ‘fuck you’ reply I can muster. I stick on some Prodigy or Metallica and smash the keyboard with all my creative rage. Then I take what I’ve written and save it in my notes.

  I then carry on with my day and eventually go to bed.

  The next day I read my reply. So far, I have never sent the pure rage that I had written. After going through the drill and getting a good night’s sleep (and starting my day the right way), I find my responses are far more calm and collected, and I have generally come up with a solution of some description. If the other person continues to take it out on me, I have the upper hand as they have lost their cool and often make a knob out of themselves.

  That’s a win, I would say!

  Never forget where you come from. I’ve already told you plenty about my background, so I’m not going to dig up all that bollocks again. But one thing I am very mindful of is that I came, personally, from modest beginnings, and I can be returned in an instant to that state.

  I’ve seen it happen to people before. Some people forget where they come from and become egotistical lunatics. Pulling their noses up at people who are at the stages they were at a few years ago. But then they lose everything.

  Don’t be that guy (or gal).

  I find being mindful of my modest beginnings serves two purposes – as it is a state that I don’t want to go back to, it motivates me to keep going when I am tired, grumpy or simply don’t want to. Every time I stop, I increase my chances of going back to zero. It simply is the fuel to keep my fire going.

  Secondly, when you’ve had nothing – I mean going bin-fishing for sandwiches after the shops close for the day, no idea how you’re going to pay your bills, oh-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck kinda nothing – it encourages you to make a few provisions when you can.

  Clear your debt, or at least manage it. Try and borrow nothing, and always have some cash at your disposal. If you have debt, really focus (and yes, you may have to make some short-term sacrifices, but that’s life) on paying it down.

  I would advise you get your credit score as good as you can, and have a few empty credit cards on hand just in case you need to do an AMEX gamble of your own or are in a bind and need help with cash flow to tide you over. Do not rely on them.

  This next one is a tough one but I would strive to do this.

  Take 30% of what you earn, put it aside as tax. Don’t fuck with the taxman. Just put it aside and don’t touch it. One year I didn’t do this and nearly killed myself with the amount of work I did to make sure I made the payment.

  To save or not to save? That is a big question. I think it is totally dependent on you as a person. For example, I haven’t previously saved, although now I have accumulated some robust funds from doing business because when my account was at zero or in the red, it forced me to take action and get shit done.

  For you, it may be very different. If you have a family or dependents then I would suggest having at least three months, six if you can, of liveable wage saved. Totally your call.

  Look after those who looked after you. A lot of people when they start to get successful forget the folks who helped them get to where they are. This is especially the case if you start to eclipse them. Now, a couple of folks have fallen out with me as I have grown – in their eyes – so very fast and surpassed where they are. However, I make a very clear reference to them and the assistance/coaching/contacts they gave me to help me get where I am in my life.

  As you will see, I have a large ‘Thank you’ section at the end of this book, and have, to the best of my abilities, given thanks to everyone who has supported me on my journey. And I actually mean it. Without the combined effort and advice of all of them, I would not be where I am today.

  It’s not just those in the business world; each and every person who has been in my life and touched me in some way deserves credit for my success. It’s not only fair, it’s the right thing to do. Make sure you do the same. It goes a long way, and you never know when you will need to lean on them again.

  Don’t burn your bridges.

  My philosophy. This is a culmination of a few of the key points I touched on earlier.

  I have been blessed to have had help, advice, coaching, mentoring and support from some of the best in the world. As I’ve already said, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.

  I have a respo
nsibility, nay a duty, to fulfil. The first part is to help myself. I have to secure my own health, skills, finances and business first.

  The next part of my duty is to help others achieve what I have (to whatever degree they wish to, in whatever area they need), and help them get to my level.

  Then, it is my duty to help others, give back, and support those who need it.

  Once I have done this?

  I simply wash, rinse, repeat and plough on to the next level – whatever the fuck that ends up being!

  I am fortunate enough to have a lot of energy that I can spare, and I am more than happy to make the investments, put in the time and do the work to get shit done. I do it so others don’t have to.

  And I’m cool with it. Like I said, I live to serve. It may sound a little self-sacrificing, but I don’t see it that way. I enjoy it. I like helping people; it makes me feel good, so I selfishly indulge in it.

  I like feeling good.

  How can I make an impact in this world if I am stingy and keep all the secrets (lol – I still see that crap all the time) to myself? That doesn’t make me a good person.

  It makes me a dick.

  And, as I said way back at the beginning of this chapter, if you take away just one thing from this – simply don’t be a dick!

  BE NICE TO DO/ACTION STEPS

  How to stop your blood boiling. Don’t. Check. Your. Emails. First. Thing. In. The. Morning! Put yourself in a good mood before you jump into the bullshit hurricane of emails, social media and messages. Once you’re in a good mood, you’ll find you won’t be running your day with negative interactions.

  Be mindful of what others are going through. Consider before you act how the other person might be feeling and what they may have gone through. If you get a shitty email or bad message, do this: first write the most aggressive, venom-fuelled, ‘fuck you’ reply you can think of. Take what you’ve written and pop it in your notes. Carry on your day as normal and forget the message. The next day, reread the pure rage you have written. You’ll find the next time you look at the aggressive message, your response will be much calmer and more collected.